I wanna be mad at him so bad
I want all of the bad things I’m feeling right now to be his fault because it would make things less complicated emotionally
But he has absolutely no idea, and he never did anything intentionally to hurt me it’s just the circumstances
The worst part is that I’m hurt, and I have to pretend I’m not hurt or that I’m hurt about something else whenever he asks what’s wrong
I hate that I keep having to lie to him it’s terrible
And at this point, I don’t think it really matters whether I tell him or not. I’ll continue to be hurt either way—there’s only one possible outcome in which I won’t be hurt in some way and that’s requited feelings and the likelihood of that happening is minuscule
And if I tell I think I’ll just wind up being one of those girls that he moans and groans about to everyone else instead of a good friend and a confidant. Instead of someone he trusts, I’ll be someone he has to walk on eggshells around. It’ll give him another person to feel guilty over, and I don’t want that: he don’t need that right now.
But I’ve also had these feelings for nearly six months now and it’s getting harder and harder to keep them in.
Why can’t he just be a dick and hurt me on purpose so then I can have justified anger or something
Why does this have to be so complicated
Why do I have to care about him this much